by Dean Addams

My first ever crossover experience of hallucinogenics and spiritual connection came in the early 90s, and I didn’t understand it at the time.

I was in the nightclub Trade in the early hours of a Sunday morning, tripping on LSD or microdots. They played techno music and used a lot of lasers and dry ice in the club. I was dancing, and suddenly in front of me appeared a huge pink elephant with gold Indian jewellery all over it. This huge, bejewelled elephant started dancing with me. I had no idea who or what it was.

I didn’t think about it again until many years later, 22 years later actually, when I was getting into Shamanism and met my upper world guide, who turned out to be Ganesha, the Hindu God. I realised that’s who had met me back then in the club. Ganesha also pointed out that they had been showing themselves to me many times throughout my life and showed me various objects and paintings in my flat that had been gifted to me, each depicting Ganesha.

People often find that when they encounter their spirit guides, they are already familiar. There’s often a connection that was felt long before, even if it wasn’t fully understood.

What was funny about Trade and the whole drug scene in the early 90s was that we would often say we were going to church. It was our church. It was on a Sunday, and it felt like a community where we were all just enjoying ourselves together, as one. Of course, the hallucinogenics gave us that sense of connection, of oneness, of communion.

I think that was my first realisation that what a lot of gay people, men, women, and bisexual people were looking for was some kind of connection, as a community. And that in itself can be spiritual. I believe that because most organised religions don’t welcome LGBTQIA people, we’re a bit lost and still seeking something bigger. Also, because what is often referred to as the gay community was largely built around drinking culture, that actively affects spiritual connection in a negative way.

I find it very interesting that rave culture has come back around again 30 years later. I don’t think that’s a coincidence.

I didn’t have many experiences like the one at Trade, even though I took a lot of drugs at the time. I think a lot of us were trying to find a way to deal with the forest fire AIDS had created through our community. I lost friends, lovers, loved ones. Also, I guess, because I was using it recreationally rather than in a ceremonial way, it didn’t invite that same kind of spiritual experience. Or maybe the time wasn’t right for me then.

Also, the drugs we were taking were largely chemical based and man-made. Using things like magic mushrooms, with the active ingredient psilocybin, and doing so in a ceremonial way, is a very different experience. The same with tobacco, many Shamans still use it ceremoniously, San Pedro, marijuana, and ayahuasca. In fact, quite a few of the current drugs around are used in both therapy and ceremony.

Most people probably know that both LSD and MDMA were originally created as therapeutic aids. LSD helped people when they were terminally ill and had a fear of dying. It helps us feel connected to the rest of the universe. MDMA was used to support couple therapy. Then they got banned, and it was quite a few years before they were picked up by club culture.

I myself prefer natural substances now, like the plant-based medicines used ceremoniously, if I’m going to do hallucinogenics. But what I also found out 13 years ago when I did my shamanic training is that you can have a spiritual connection without using any psychedelic substance or drug. We use the drum and the rattle to slow down our brain waves and get into a meditative place, which allows us to travel into the spirit realm.

That opened a whole new world for me. I wanted to share it with others, so I became a teacher and started running my own healing circles, helping people strengthen their connection with their spirit guides. I’ve been doing that for 11 years now, and it’s been a very transformational practice.

Seven years ago, I circled back to plant medicine and started an apprenticeship with an ayahuasquero Shaman in the Peruvian Amazon jungle. The plant medicine teachings are very profound, and yet there’s still a lot to be gained from developing a spiritual connection without them.

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